1. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
2. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
6. Allow me to introduce my selves
7. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
8. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
9.Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mum?
10.You! Off my planet!
11. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
12. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
13. Anarchy is better than no government at all.
14. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
All these wonderful bumper sticker jokes are found at http://www.ahajokes.com/