+25°C: Queenslanders turn on the heat. Melbournians sunbathe.
+10°C: Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Tasmania plant gardens.
+5°C: Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra go swimming.
+2°C: Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the windows open.
0°C: Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker.
-7°C: Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Canberra throw on a T-shirt.
-9°C: Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra go camping.
-18°C: Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last BBQ before it gets cold.
-23°C: People in Perth cease to exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles.
-29°C: Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in Canberra throw on a light jacket.
-40°C: Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos.
-51°C: Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide biscuits door to door.
-62°C: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-73°C: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put on a coat.
-114°C: Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
-183°C: Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273°C: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-296°C: Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer.