Junky junk

1. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
3. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
4. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
5. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
6. An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
7. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Funny bumper stickers

1. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
2. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
6. Allow me to introduce my selves
7. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
8. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
9.Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mum?
10.You! Off my planet!
11. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
12. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
13. Anarchy is better than no government at all.
14. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

All these wonderful bumper sticker jokes are found at http://www.ahajokes.com/